Oct 2024: Eyes Wide and Whitely Filmed in the Veils of the Dead.
the feathered serpent and crow calls.
Hello!
I think this has been the hardest letter to write and it certainly did not go out on schedule.
Choosing to save its publishing date for October since the writing takes on a bit of the macabre.
Cutting half of what I wanted to include just to be able to make any kind of publishing date at all.
The cuttings will be published as a series for the Solar Plexus Chakra instead of just being left on the floor.
I've left the gory daily details to the Footnotes (at the very bottom where one would expect to find the feet of any writing), so you can read them if you're interested or ignore them if you're not.
I hope you enjoy the poetry included, the power of what it means to go through menopause and the medical system as a 47yo woman in the good ‘ole USA.
I've also enclosed a Crow's Call to sweeten the cauldron, so to speak.
Enjoy! 🎃
The Call to Live Deeply
Sweetest Grass Roots Devotionals is about making a promise to devote time and give sacred space to our healing, our internal processes. I share my practice with you in hopes it inspires you to create your own. To show the way with words and images steeped within my subconscious tea brought to life on canvas, in songs, stories and spirit journeys. How to live more deeply within your awareness and connection of the microcosmic world, and in turn our macrocosmic universe.
I wish I could promise you that every letter I write will contain perfectly organized subjects with perfect grammar and punctuation that obviously connect the dots for you. This is a promise that I simply cannot make.
What I can hope for… is to bring you along on my adventure into spirit, to show you how simple it can be, and to share in the beauty of my liminal spaces while you learn how to find your own… to make available sign posts, trail markers, bread crumbs and pin cushions.
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Because I will not pretend to know your journey more than I know my own, I write within my experience as woman. Please change as needed for your experience on this journey… for such teachings apply to us all.
Grab a cup of tea, plate of scones and sit by the window listening to bird song while you read… for we are going on an adventure!
Love, Light & Shadows…
Isabella, Pups & Family
My Weaving
My journey has brought me through the alchemical dark night of the soul, the underworld of the first two chakras. This is considered to be the hardest, messiest and most painful aspect of any transformational process.
Filled with shadows, despair, depression, exhaustion, rage, and frustratingly delayed/ missed diagnoses with under-treated injuries and infections resulting in amnesia soured the beautiful life I've been trying to rebuild (see Footnotes).
What I thought would happen…
The soothing salty waters of the ocean and my ancestral seas have given me a buoyancy and balm for the body and soul I never dreamed possible (first 2 chakras).
As I re-discover my own personal truth, my sacred dreaming tree rises up rooted, growing from swampy, muddy depths up into the 3rd Chakra, the solar plexus.
The sun shows itself as a glimmering gold line on the horizon bringing hope and light to the darkness. I feel as tender as a new green shoot.
The Reality I found myself in…
I hit rock bottom. My body twisted, broken, and bleeding as I lay strewn among the sharp boulders like glass. Eyes wide and whitely filmed in the veils of the dead.
Juices seeping into the earth in a dark pit deep beneath the crevice's ledge where I fell, or was I pushed?
I bled, seeped and wept until I found myself steeped in it like some kind of twisted decoction of tea inspired by a mad man.
The rattlesnake - the fire snake- uncoils in the depths of the deepest memory within my unconsciousness -
Rattles -
Stirs the cauldron, awakening shadows that must be confronted like a smoking mirror
Lighting it's own fire -
Burning away all that does not serve, transmuting poison
It eats it's own tail and becomes the egg
Transmutting, transforming
Combining the magics of light and darkness
The egg hatches -
a Feathered Serpent is born - feathers of purest irridescent green
The tail of the rattlesnake still stirring the Cauldron of transformation
as it rises up and flies into the sun.
The intensity of the burn roasted me alive, charred and blackened my flesh, burned away everything except my essential soul.
My Crow Calls
Divination has taken a back seat these last several weeks. I have been in such a messy state; I really just needed to sit with it to sort it all out. I didn't want to know the next steps; I wasn't ready for next steps, and that's okay.
I am starting to feel the pull again and I'm anticipating the readings will be popping back in the coming weeks. Here is a 3 card draw to get back into the swing of things.
I asked where I am on my journey right now and was greeted with the ever faithful and domesticated companion of man… The Dog.
Next came a Woman Riding a Horse. She has a wild abandon to her with hair streaming back and dress ruffled up by the wind. She is riding with speed and agility to her destination.
Where is this forward movement transporting me? What is my next great adventure?
I felt along the threads of where this is all headed and pulled the Fox. My wild nature. My intuition and internal cunning while living at the edge of man's world. Hoping to not just barely survive but to actually thrive there for once. Bringing the wildness to me because I embody it.
Now I am finding myself on a path of handing back my domestication ticket once again in favor of regaining my wild soul nature. Some would say this is part of the menopausal process anyway.
Giving up layers and roles that we are no longer willing to wear, to fill, or to identify with. In so many ways I am shedding layers of people's preconceived notions of who I should be (as well as my own) and reclaiming my wild skins.
Has the gauntlet of the last 8 years I've survived prepared me for this?
Will the menopausal process burn away what is no longer required or desired?
Your Crow Calls
When YOU pull 3 cards…
First Card: Where do you find yourself right now?
2nd Card: What is your mode of transformation transportation?
3rd Card: Where does this path take you?
How do you identify with the images on the card?
What meanings and associations do you feel, hear, see?
Don’t worry about what the little booklet says.
What is speaking to you?
What will your transformation be?
Your Weaving
As you read this work, what percolated up from your subconscious? Emotions? Thoughts? Images? Does my work inspire you to create one of your own?
Journal Prompt for Secret Messages: Choose an idea, word line, or entire phrasing from what I’ve written here and write down everything that comes up for you in a free-flow without censorship. Go back through and circle key words and phrases from your own writing. Is there a secret message hidden within your subconscious? Within your Soul?
Take it one step further, and continue to journal about how that secret message makes you feel. Do you agree with it? Disagree? Why? Do you have a friend who will welcome bouncing the ideas around so you may see a deeper well within your Self?
Accessing Spirit through Creation… Words, Artwork, Jewelry, DIY Rosary or Prayer Beads. Create a more physical practice through Yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, Nature Walks and more! Pick one or two for your practice today and see what happens! Don’t forget to journal about it so your future self will have a road map on challenging days.
Disclosure: No one can do the work for you. You must be the one to decide if your need for change/ creation is greater than your fear of it, and then put forth the necessary steps on your path. I've lived in the depths. I know what it's like to be stuck there. I also know it's possible to stand back up, and walk forward. No, you won't be the same person you were and it can be incredibly painful physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually to do so. I also know… it's possible to rise up rooted and create a new life, a new way of being even if it looks entirely different than what you had thought or hoped it would be. Good Luck!
Today’s Resources
Line “…to make available sign posts, trail markers, bread crumbs and pin cushions.” : Refers to all the different sign posts and trail markers that you might find in fairy tales and wisdom stories. Bread crumbs famously found in Hansel and Gretel, and following the pin cushion comes from my family’s deep dark forest roots across the ocean.
Poetry/Quotes: Unless otherwise stated, I wrote it :) IEM 2024
My Journal Entries: Dated Sept 2024.
Books:
Hagitude by Sharon Blackie
If Women Rose Rooted by Sharon Blackie
Featured Deck (my photo):
Lenormand Deck by MJ Cullinane (visit her online at: https://crowtarotshop.com/ )
Image of dead eye: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/657033033116374579/
What We’ve been up to
Actively Reading:
Hagitude by Sharon Blackie
The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller
The Seven Skins of Esther Wilding by Holly Ringland
The Wild Remedy by Emma Mitchell
Watching:
The Wheel
Starting Halloween specials on TV! 🎃
General Life:
Keeping our heads and hearts on straight through the cascade of it all.
Love, Light & Shadows,
Isabella, Pups & Family
Foot Notes
I lost my long term memory and much of my short term memory to the point of amnesia. My entire day still runs on alarms, multiple calendars, meal snacks every 2 hours with multitudes of vitamin supplements, and physical/ cognitive therapies. All the while training in a new service dog whose shrill banshee scream at the displeasure of my symptoms has broken through my chrysalis; healing as much as she destroys of my daily function. It has taken 8 long years that have felt like centuries where a 1-10 pain scale held no meaning. The last 5 years my pain has been on a 12+ pain scale with the last 3 years at a 15+. My recent healings have just now returned me to a 6-10 scale with my daily range fluctuating between 6-9 and episodic pain rising back up to 10-12+. The relief of finally being able to breathe easily without my body electrocuting itself 24/7, to write and more adequately communicate my experience is beyond what I can properly convey in words.
Service Dog Training: Yes, she is improving and will be a beautiful medical response service dog when she is fully grown and trained. Purchasing a fully trained service dog is upwards of $50,000, so we make due with training our own.
My Crow Calls… originally, I wanted to include my personal story and relevance to the meaning of this spread. In the end, it was too much to emotionally bear by sending it out into the world via internet, so I just went with the kernals of truth I found there instead.
Thank YOU again for helping to support my Great Works!
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